Monday, January 30, 2006

看書

最後,拿了《春天的童話》(遇羅錦)。
放下了《美麗新世界》(A brave new world, 你不會不知道吧)。

最近幾個月重拾了從小培養的閱讀習慣。母親的書櫃內容依舊豐富,大部份書我都曾經似懂非懂地看過。只是,從前看書的心態和現在已大相逕庭。

放下了《美麗新世界》。雖然小說世界不需要實用,但實用的人看完書需要出路。如果書看完了只會令我心情更糟,問號更多,而沒有提供任何出路的話,我會有點兒反感。橫豎我曾看這本書,放下算了。

還未看完《野火集》(二十周年紀念版)。我錯誤地買了文匯出版社的版本,多篇文章均有刪節;後悔莫及之餘,還在努力想像著負責刪剪《歐威爾的台灣?》(一篇講言論自由問題的文章)的人,在刪剪時候的心情怎樣。(聯想:冰點?Google China?送雞迎狗了,我們祖國的未來怎樣?)

借了母親的《野火集外集》,裏面收錄了《野火集》的讀者來信;很期待。

想起《春天的童話》;另一本打算重看的書。看來中國從來沒有改變過...... 算,看完再說吧。

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Narrative medicine

"We treat our patients. Do we know our patients?"

I was simply so glad, so very glad, when I went thru this article.

When I was doing the home visit report in CFM module, I deliberately presented her discharge summary (as medically termed as possible) followed by a narrative completely in laymen terms and in Ms Keung (my patient)'s angle. I wanted to create the contrast between somebody's medical notes and a personalised illness story. I stressed the importance of listening to the patient's story as they are the experiencer. Medical professionals tend to be "objective" and we kind of have the power to "judge" whether our patients "should" or "should not" experience some discomfort. However what patient experience is what they experience, and we ought to respect their bodies and feelings instead of dismissing their experience.

I was pretty worried when I handed in my home visit report as this was not something people normally do. Now, finally, I've found something emerging that matches my idea.

This article is an excellent introduction to narrative medicine, and to any medical professionals who have a human heart able to experience and emphathise.


Narrative Medicine Creates Alliance With Patients
Posted 01/19/2006, Medscape Med Students. 2006;8(1)
Rita Charon, MD, PhD

A Patient's Unusual Request

A dozen third-year medical students sat around a conference table with me for an hour-long narrative medicine workshop. They had just finished their internal medicine clerkship at the university teaching hospital. Some of the students were far-flung -- one from Alabama, one from Belgium, one from North Carolina. I asked them to reflect on their 6 weeks of training on the internal medicine wards.
"Think of a patient who moved you particularly -- to sadness, to attachment, to despair, to love. Write a description of what happened the last time you saw that patient, and be prepared to read aloud here whatever you write."
I gave the group 5 minutes to write a paragraph or poem or dialogue about the chosen patient, and then I asked a few students to read their writing aloud to the group. One student wrote of an elderly woman with newly diagnosed and untreatable gastrointestinal cancer. She was alone in the world, having lost her family in the Holocaust and having had no children of her own. She knew she was dying and that she was dying alone. She had 3 requests of her medical student.
"Sit with me," was the first, and the student was happy to comply. "Bring me for a walk in the fresh air," was the next and also easily honored request. The third was more complex and daring: "Listen to my autobiography." Floored by this request, the student stayed the course and listened as his patient told of her life.
Our seminar was the first chance he had had to write about that experience. The paragraph he wrote and then read to us was the beginning of a memorial to this woman's life and the fulfillment of his promise to honor it.
This student was extremely fortunate to care for a patient who knew to ask for what she needed from her doctor. What a brilliant request! "Listen to my autobiography."
Most patients and healthcare professionals have yet to learn that one aspect of healing is exactly this, listening to the telling of the self. The body, it turns out, is the portal to the self, and caring for the ill body can open the door to a moving and healing intimacy with the self. As one diagnoses and manages the asthma, the cancer, the dementia, the alcoholism, one recognizes and enters into relation with the full self of the patient -- the hopes, the dread, the strengths, the dreams. As one accompanies the patient's self along with the body through improvement or decline, one almost magically recognizes and accompanies one's own self, for the self that is summoned by the call of the patient is the authentic self.
We doctors are learning from oral historians, trauma scholars, chaplains, and those in testimony studies how to bear witness to our patients' narratives of trauma, loss, and suffering. Along with the technical aspects of an ever-complex medical science, we can equip ourselves with the narrative competence to listen to and honor our patients' stories of self.
What we call "narrative medicine" is a medicine practiced with these skills to recognize, absorb, interpret, and be moved by the stories of illness. To practice narrative medicine -- be it in internal medicine, family medicine, pediatrics, obstetrics, surgery, or psychiatry -- means developing the sophisticated skills to attend to what patients emit, to represent in language what they tell, and to affiliate with them and their families and other healthcare professionals in communities of care.

The Clinician as Witness, Not Judge

Narrative medicine had its start in such related efforts as patient-centered care and medical humanities. The clinical cousin of literature-and-medicine, narrative medicine takes those skills that one develops as a close reader or a reflective writer and bends them toward effective clinical practice. The close reader -- whether of fiction, poetry, or memoir -- follows the narrative thread of a story, enters into the teller's narrative world, and sees how that teller makes sense of it. The close reader identifies the images and metaphors, recognizes the temporal flow of events, follows allusions to other stories, and is imaginatively transported to wherever the story might take the one who surrenders to it.
The skilled writer can represent formless or chaotic experience by conferring form on it so that it can be seen by both the writer and the audience. The previously formless experience thereby becomes like an edifice, around which the writer can walk, seeing it from all directions, understanding aspects that, until form was conferred, were invisible.
When medicine is practiced with these skills, the clinician or trainee has much to offer the patient. By listening with the close reader's attention, he or she can hear and receive in full complexity what the patient conveys in words, silences, gestures, positions, and physical findings. By representing with accuracy and skill what the patient conveys, the clinician honors what is told in all its detail and contradiction and dimensions and connotation.
This clinician with narrative competence becomes a witness and not a judge, a companion and not an interrogator, an ally and not simply the bearer of bad news or inflictor of discomfort. The clinician or trainee with these skills of attention and representation has the grounds of knowledge and of motive to develop a sturdy and clinically useful affiliation with the one who suffers.

Developing Narrative Competence

Narrative medicine had its start at Columbia University, in part because our departments of English and creative writing are well connected to our medical school. We have a tradition of teaching literature and creative writing to medical students, doctors, nurses, and social workers. We give medical school credit to medical students who enroll in courses on the main university campus in humanities departments.
Because we are convinced that narrative competence increases our effectiveness as clinicians, we have committed ourselves to teaching narrative skills throughout the curriculum and the hospital. Emerging findings in outcomes studies encourage us, for we are learning that students exposed to narrative training seem to, by virtue of it, develop greater clinical skills in interviewing and allying therapeutically with their patients.
One corollary to such thinking is that students who enter medical school already equipped with narrative skills may have an advantage. We already know that humanities majors do as well as science majors on such measures as board exams and medical school grades. We have yet to discover whether, in fact, they may outperform their science major peers in the more interior and narrative dimensions of clinical practice. Such questions are actively being asked, not only at Columbia but at many other medical schools.
The opening scene I described took place in a medical school in Israel. Scenes very similar to it have taken place lately in Denver, Nashville, Sydney, Montreal, Albany, and Albuquerque. I am by no means the only doctor to be teaching such narrative seminars. Programs in narrative medicine currently exist at Vanderbilt University, University of Pennsylvania, University of Florida, and Dalhousie University, and narrative medicine practices are emerging at George Washington University, University of Colorado, and McGill University. My colleagues in literature-and-medicine programs at Pennsylvania State University, University of Texas at Galveston, Northwestern University, and University of Illinois at Chicago, among others, undertake similar work in reading and writing.
Finally, doctors and those who teach medical students are by no means alone in learning about the power of narrative in healing. Patients and their families have been writing their autobiographies of illness with more and more frequency and force. Read these pathographies to learn what only patients can teach us about the experiences of illness. Read the collections of stories being published by doctors, nurses, social workers, and students about their clinical practices. Take in the news from the increasing number of literary journals published by medical students.
All of these stand as evidence that illness and the care of the sick are saturated by narratives and the urgent need to respect and learn from them. Narrative medicine, in the end, functions as a bridge between doctor and patient, between teacher and student, among healthcare professionals, and even between the sick and the well, as we all together commit ourselves to healing, to authenticity, and to honoring one another's stories.

Suggested Readings

Bauby J. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly: A Memoir of Life in Death. New York: Vintage; 1998.
Berger J, Mohr J. A Fortunate Man. New York: Pantheon Books; 1967.
Borkan JM, Reis S, Steinmetz D, Medalie JH, eds. Patients and Doctors: Life-Changing Stories from Primary Care. Madison, Wis: University of Wisconsin Press; 1999.
Charon R. Narrative Medicine: Honoring the Stories of Illness. New York: Oxford University Press; forthcoming 2006.
Davis C, Schaeffer J, eds. Between the Heartbeats: Poetry and Prose by Nurses. Iowa City: University of Iowa Press; 1995.
Frank A. The Renewal of Generosity: Illness, Medicine, and How to Live. Chicago: University of Chicago Press; 2004.
Middlebrook C. Seeing the Crab: A Memoir of Dying. New York: Basic Books; 1996.
Remen R. Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories That Heal. New York: Berkley; 1997.
Verghese A. My Own Country: A Doctor's Story. New York: Vintage/Random House; 1995.
Winckler M. The Case of Dr. Sachs. Translated by Linda Asher. New York: Seven Stories Press; 2000.

Rita Charon, MD, PhD, Professor of Clinical Medicine and Director, Program in Narrative Medicine, Columbia University, New York, NY

Disclosure: Rita Charon, MD, PhD, has disclosed no relevant financial relationships.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

請用文明來說服我——給胡錦濤先生的公開信

近來在看龍應台的《野火集》(二十周年記念版),不由得對她心生敬佩。

這篇文章,把我對她的敬佩推上一層,也把我心裏的鉛再加重一塊。

原文刊於25/1/2006明報港聞版

=====================================

錦濤先生﹕

國民黨主席馬英九先生在2006年1月中勉勵他的國青團青年學員時,說了這麼一句玩笑的話﹕「希望將來國青團也能培養出一個胡錦濤。」

我相信這是他從政以來所說過的最不及格的笑話。

馬英九先生很可能只單純想到,「胡錦濤」是從共青團體制裏脫穎而出的國家領導人,但是會說出這樣的話,也透露了他顯然不曾更深刻地細思過,共青團是 個什麼樣的體制﹖這個領導人所領導的「國家」,是個以什麼為本的國家﹖他的權力來源是什麼﹖正當性何在﹖在二十一世紀初掌握中國政權的「胡錦濤」這三個 字,代表了什麼意義﹖

它當然代表了超高的經濟成長指數,讓世界驚詫,讓國人自豪,可是同時,在政治自由的指標評比上,中國在世界上排名第一百七十七名。您可以說,這是以 「西方右派」的標準來衡量的,不符合「中國國情」。好,讓我們用一個社會主義的指標吧。追求資源分配的平等,不管均富或均貧,都是左派的核心理想吧﹖在貧 富差異上,中國的基尼系數超過0.4,逼近0.45,這已是社會大動亂的門檻指標。指標數字下,多少人物慾橫流,多少人輾轉溝壑。

也就是說,「胡錦濤」三個字在二十一世紀的當下歷史裏,仍代表一種逆流﹕在追求民主的大浪潮中,它專制集權﹔在追求平等的大趨勢裏,它嚴重的貧富不均。

在您剛剛上任時,人們曾經對年華正茂的您寄以期望,以為,作為一個新世紀的人物,您的心靈和視野會比您的前輩們更深沈,更開闊。共產黨權力革命的殺伐蠻橫之氣,終究要被人文的體貼細緻和文化的潤物無聲所取代。但是,兩年了,我們所看見的,是什麼呢﹖

促使我動筆寫這封信的,是今天發生的一件具體事件﹕共青團所屬的北京《中國青年報》《冰點》周刊今天黃昏時被勒令停刊。

在此之前,原來最敢於直言、最表達民間疾苦的《南方週末》被換下了主編而變成一份吞吞吐吐的報紙,原來勇於揭弊的《南方都市報》的總編輯被撤走論 罪,清新而意圖煥發的《新京報》突然被整肅,一個又一個有膽識、有作為的媒體被消音處理。這些,全在您任內發生。出身共青團的您,一定清楚《冰點》現在的 位置﹕它是萬馬齊喑裏唯一一匹還有微弱「嘶聲」的活馬。

而在一月二十四日的今天,這僅有的喉嚨,都被割斷。在《冰點》編輯們正式得知這個「割喉」處分之前,所有跟《冰點》有關的字和詞,已經從網路上徹底消滅。

在您的領導之下,網路警察的絕對效率,令人駭異。

選在今天執「刑」,誰都知道原因﹕春節前夕,人們都已離開工作崗位,準備回鄉圍爐。報紙開始撲天蓋地報道娛樂,製造溫馨﹔電視開始排山倒海地表演聯 歡,生產快樂。選在這一天割斷中國僅有的喉嚨,然後讓普天同慶的歡聲把它淌血的聲音遮住。行刑者躡手躡腳走開,過完年,一切都已了無痕跡。網路警察的效率 和現代傳媒的操弄,是您所呈現的二十一世紀統治技巧。

網路警察動作快,是怕自己的人民知道﹔精算時間動手,是怕國際媒體知道。偷偷摸摸地執行,費盡心機地隱藏,泄漏的是政府的虛心和害怕。但是,請您告訴我這個困惑的台灣人民﹕這「和平崛起」大有為的政府,究竟為什麼如此的虛心和害怕﹖

《冰點》的停刊,其實沒有人真正的驚訝,人們早在暗暗等待,好像一個宿命論者永遠在等鬼的半夜敲門索命﹔我發現,太多的災難和壓迫,使得大陸很少 人相信好事會長久、夢想能成真、正義能落實。刊出龍應台的〈你可能不知道的台灣〉時,網路上已經四處流傳《冰點》被封殺的臆測﹔今天,只是「鬼」終於被等 到了。而《冰點》「勇敢」到什麼程度使得共產黨用這樣陰暗的手段來對付它﹖

今天封殺《冰點》的理由,是廣州中山大學袁偉時先生談歷史和教科書的文章。因為它「和主流意識形態相對……攻擊社會主義,攻擊黨的領導」。而「毀」掉了一份報紙的袁偉時先生的文章,究竟說了什麼的話,招來這樣的懲罰﹖

我認真讀了這篇文章。袁偉時以具體的史實證據來說明目前的中學歷史教科書謬誤百出不說,還有嚴重的非理性意識形態的宣揚。譬如義和團,教科書把義和 團描寫成民族英雄,美化他對洋人的攻擊,對於義和團的殘酷、愚昧、反理性、反現代文明以及他給國家帶來的傷害和恥辱,卻隻字不提。綜合起來,教科書所教導 下一代的,是「1.現有的中華文化至高無上。2.外來文化的邪惡,侵蝕了現有文化的純潔。3.應該或可以用政權或暴民專制的暴力去清除思想文化領域的邪 惡」。對於這種歷史觀的教育,袁偉時非常憂慮﹕「用這樣的理路潛移默化我們的孩子,不管主觀意圖如何,都是不可寬宥的戕害。」

錦濤先生,我不是不知道,共產黨是以美化秦始皇、盜跖、太平天國、義和團這樣一個歷史脈絡來奠定自己的權力美學的。我也不是不知道,每一個政權都會 設法去建構一個所謂建國神話和圖騰─您因此一定也很理解民進黨的企圖。但是,建構的國族神話裏如果藏有仇外情緒,就是一個必須正視的危險。在二十一世紀, 國界幾乎快要不存在,地球愈來愈是一個緊密的村子,因為唇齒相依,不得不憂戚與共。中國為什麼極力爭取主辦奧運和世博﹖目的不就是企圖以最大的動作向世界 推銷一個新的中國形象﹕你看,中國是一個充滿發展能量、愛好世界和平、承擔國際責任的泱泱大國﹗

如果對外面的世界推銷的是這樣一個形象,關起門來教下一代的,卻是「中華文化至高論」、「外來文化邪惡論」以及義和團哲學,請告訴我,哪一個中國是真實的﹖總書記能夠光明磊落大聲地告訴國際社會嗎﹖

袁偉時說,教科書不能罔顧史實,不能讚美暴力,不能教下一代中國人對自己狂熱,對外人仇視。這樣的認知,錦濤先生,在我們這裏,叫做「常識」。在北京,竟然是違反「主流意識形態」的入罪之論。那麼能不能請您告訴我這個台灣人民,您的主流意識形態是什麼﹖

哪一個是你真實的面孔﹖

我們暫且不管大陸的知識分子和一般人民讀者怎麼看這《冰點》事件,但是我很願意和您分享像我這樣一個台灣的知識分子的感受。至於龍應台這樣思維的人在台灣有沒有代表性,有沒有影響力,您自己判斷。

我對中國大陸有深切厚重的情感,來自命運血緣,歷史傳統,更來自語言文化。在台灣生長,我同時發展出與這一條「家國認同」情感線平行並重的執著, 那就是對生命的尊重,對人道的堅持,而從這種尊重和堅持衍生出其他的基本價值﹕譬如主張獨立的人格、自由的精神,譬如對貧富不均的不能接受,對國家暴力的 絕不容忍,對統治者的絕不信任,譬如對知識的敬重,對庶民的體恤,對異議的寬容,對謊言的鄙視……

這一條我稱之為「價值認同」的理性線。當「家國認同」的情感線和「價值認同」的理性線相互衝突時,我如何取捨﹖毫無猶豫,我選擇後者。二十年前,我 曾經寫《野火》和國民黨那個「家國」對抗﹔李登輝當政時,我曾經為文批判他的虛偽與狹隘﹔陳水扁不公不義,又迫使我執筆徹底抵抗。所以您如果鬧不清我究竟 是「統派」或是「獨派」,不妨這樣試試﹕台灣和大陸,哪邊符合我的「價值認同」,就是我的「家國」。哪邊違背我的「價值認同」,就是我離之棄之抵抗之的對 象。如果兩邊都符合我的「價值認同」,那就開始討論統一吧。所以,我是統派還是獨派呢﹖

以這樣的價值結構來看今天《冰點》事件,您說我這個台灣人看見什麼﹖

我看見這個我懷有深切厚重情感的血緣「家國」,是一個踐踏我所有「價值認同」的國度﹕

它,把真理當謊言,把謊言當真理,而且把這樣的顛倒制度化。

它,把獨立的知識分子當奴才使用,把奴性的知識分子當家僕使用,把奴才當─啊,它把鞭子、戒尺和鑰匙,交到奴才的手裏。

它面對西方是一個臉孔,面對日本是另一個臉孔,面對台灣是一個臉孔,面對自己,又是一個臉孔。

它面對別人的歷史持一個標準,它面對自己的歷史時─錯了,它根本不面對。它選擇背對自己的歷史。

它擁抱神話,創造假象,恐懼真相。他最怕的,顯然是它自己。

……

您,還要我繼續說下去嗎﹖

我真正想說的是,錦濤先生,作為一個台灣人,我實在不在乎團團和圓圓來不來台北,雖然貓熊可愛得令人融化。但是我這樣的台灣人可真在乎《冰點》的安危,就像很多、很多香港人真在乎程翔那 個被逮捕的記者的安危。如果中國的「價值認同」是由一群手持鞭子、戒尺和鑰匙的奴才在壟斷它的解釋和執行,而獨立的人格、自由的精神是被打擊、戒律、監控 的對象,請問,我們談統一的起點理由究竟是什麼呢﹖而我對中國的情感還是有條件的,台灣還有很多熱愛、深愛、無條件地執著地愛中國那片深厚土地的人─您又 用什麼東西去跟他談統一,而他不致被人嘲笑、咒罵呢﹖

重點不在團團和圓圓,您知道嗎﹖重點也從來就不在民進黨,您明白嗎﹖

重點就在《冰點》這樣具體而微的事情上。我明白您很可能根本不知道封閉《冰點》這件事情,但是您不得不概括承受所有的責任。說穿了,錦濤先生,您容 不容許媒體獨立,您尊不尊重知識分子,您用什麼態度面對自己的歷史,以什麼手段去對待人民,每一個最細小的決定,都繫在「文明」這兩個字上頭。經歷過野 蠻,我們不得不在乎文明。

請用文明來說服我。我願意誠懇傾聽。

龍應台

24-1-2006

薜凱琪公開宣佈成為基督徒

Source: The Sun, 20/01/2006
評論可看貴格人的部落格

Summary: the reason she became a christian is her miracle cure from chronic low back pain after strapping a bible at her back.

My feeling: It's time medical students in our clinical years to return to the dissection labs and redo our anatomy. We may find the correct location of cerebrum right next to gluteus maximus.

Note: Gluteus maximus is the big piece of muscle between you hip bones and your chair when you are sitted.

Monday, January 23, 2006

小結

近來我在填一份網上問卷的時候,把自己歸類為無宗教信仰者。
不代表我是無宗教者... 我搞不懂那一大堆複雜的學術詞語,我想大家會明吧。

我開始改變自己的生活了。以往花太多時間在教會-related的東西裏面,我miss左個世界。我不想再只從教會的角度狹窄地看這個世界了。我選擇脫下這副眼鏡。

很可笑,我發現我在學習做一個普通人。一個道道地地白白痴痴行街食飯睇戲直落的香港妹。So far,我仍然覺得我很有這個需要。在我過往生活的群體裏面,我一直感到和外邊的世界脫節。所以,我自己跑出來了。

我 沒有對教會深刻的負面經歷。也許是這個原因吧,我對教會不怎麼有意見。我只覺得,他們這種存在方式和形態對其生存有必要性。要求?算吧啦。教會和真理 和神性風牛馬不相及。講到底,it's the fear mixed with pride deep inside that drives everything. This is human, and a human-run organisation. (I really can't imagine myself like this -- but truly I'm neutral to this!!)

另 外,我不能夠再自我製造一個self-explainatory,充滿愛又充滿要求既神黎壓向自己既頭頂上了。那種「自我製造」的感覺很嘔心。我不認為 我需要很用力地自我製造一個story讓自己相信,我也不那麼需要一個解釋來說明「天地萬物是如何製造出來」的。當上天堂不比現在的每一刻生活重要,我的 自我價值也不是低得「除了十架別無拯救」,天下大事有神冇神只差有沒有禱告的對象,那麼我也不那麼需要這個神了。

這叫做離教還是離派,我也搞不清楚。我對離教者普遍持有的那種怨恨的味道不那麼認同,有點兒覺得他們需要學習一下處理自己的情緒(無意攻擊,個人意見)。講到底,人要面對自己總是困難的(尤其是不想承認的黑暗面),要把矛頭指向外又舒服又容易。(A kind reminder: the same principle applies to myself, the writer here. So it will be more appropriate to interpret what I've written just a paragraph above with this principle in mind. =D)

我是簡化了很多,才 寫出以上一段話,也可以說是我近來狀態的小結。由痛苦,到迷惘,到承認我對過往宗教的依戀,到解開心結開始走出來,我也 花了不少時間和淚水。(可以看我blog裏面WTO week以前的幾篇文章。)現在我的生活很簡單,很普通,連思想也愈來愈普通了,但是,我最開心的,是我開始明白普通,開始感受到普通的感覺,開始了解普 通的生活。這個,可不普通呢~!

P.S.
胡兄(第一次這樣稱呼你):
對不起。
一直沒有看你的blog。
在我心裏,你一直是我的師傅。
無論思考、文筆、行動,我都從你身上學會很多。
可是,這個角色在我心中一直沒有平衡過來。
Anyway,對不起。希望以後自己會比較懂如何做人。
其實也頗無謂,寫這麼一大堆只為了讓自己心中好過。對看的人來說其實沒什麼意義。

Thursday, January 19, 2006

哭 — 寫於父親來電以後

還可以怎樣呢
我還可以怎樣呢
每一次聽見你的聲音,還未回應,已經哽咽了
令你心灰的支吾以對,已經是我最盡力付出的回答
我真的無力面對。
不要跟我提起,好嗎?
真的,不要跟我提起。
我實在無力面對。

你說你買了髮飾給我,
忐忑的心不知道我喜歡不喜歡,
其實我等待你送的髮飾,已不知等了多久
但我不會告訴你
永遠都不會告訴你
流著淚痛哭著都不會告訴你

不要告訴我事情已經過去
年月過去我的感受從未褪去
愛恨交纏不會因為我長大而消失
就算事情早已離清,那又如何
難道創傷不存在嗎

所以,不要叫我面對你
不要叫我面對你
我不想痛
我無力再痛
我想好好生活
就讓我把往事忘記
把關係忘記
從頭認識一個新的人
開展一段新的關係
一切可能更簡單,甚至更精彩

我情願我是你的醫生
你是我的病人
我每年為你驗身
與你一起控制膽固醇
指導清淡食譜
作出練習建議
總好過在過去與現在之間,拉拉扯扯,不倫不類

我知道,你死了我會很難過
但我不知道我應如何出席喪禮
我知道我的傷口久久不能復原
我連愛你都不懂
又如何在你死後 懷念你

放開我吧,放開我吧
讓我脫離這一切枷鎖
我很想飛
別叫我想飛飛不起
再這樣下去,我會受不住
我的心像撕裂般痛,我會死亡
別讓我繼續流淚了,好嗎?

好嗎?你說好嗎?
你告訴我好嗎?

我知你都痛。你痛的比我更甚。
但我真的無法再接受你
我已經再無能力了
我知道你一直等著我
期待某一天我能笑著回到你面前
你會很高興的接受我
甚至,你在過去、現在、將來
都一直等待著我,接受著我
我是知道的
心裏也感激
但我真的不能接受
我不是拒絕接受
而是我不能接受
我沒有接受的能力
這能力我早就失去了

所以,你還是不要等我了
漫長的等待,經已折磨了你幾十年
我看著你鄒紋一天一天地多
腰背一天一天地佗
我知道你疲累了
你看著同輩一個一個病倒
你說自己膝開始痛腰開始酸視力開始模糊
胃口少了白髮多了睡眠也差了
你遍尋名醫練了太極也無補於事

我心裏了解誰是你真正的解藥
你一直都寄望著我
你想尋回多年前失去的女兒
尋回失落多年的父女情
但你了解這個包伏有多重嗎
我清楚我了解但我無力回應
我不想回應逃避回應咋作聽不見
當然
我每一次都失敗
你再次追著我
再次抓著我
再次展視你那等待的能耐
嘗試用你的熱誠打動我
我是清楚的
所以我心更重

依然是那一句,
我無力回應,不想回應,不敢回應
不想回想不想回望不想去面對
就讓我們這樣,就這樣,不要再動了,可以嗎?
可以嗎?

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

港股論港女 [轉貼]

以投資角度而言,港女依家係「有價冇市」,再加上「國企」競爭,投資者 (港男) 於資訊越來越透明下,已懂得去分辦優質股。一些空殼公司 (冇人要既港女) 又不肯將自己個價位 set discount,隨時沒資金汲納,導致週轉不良,最後面臨清盤危機。

國企評為"強烈買入"投資評級, 因資產質優派息吸引, 而港女現評為"強烈沽出"投資評級, 因現價已遠超出資產淨值。

注意的是,國企雖然是「強烈買入」評級,然要小心國企內部資產不良,因「監管不足」是也。

另外,港股創業版股份 (港女) 目前眼高手低,資產不良,將大部份資產投放於表面基建(如LV,Gucci,纖體),結構需重整 (人格結構+資產結構 + 公司目標),且被懷疑做假帳 (誇大自己資產淨值),評為「遜於大市」,並給與標普評級 C--,即是快要倒閉。

由於國企股質素日漸提升,其中重慶,成都及上海最值得投資者注意。西邊地區會較為值得長線投資,因為那裡企業風俗純僕。由於長年艱苦經營 (西邊比較落後),故企業 (西邊女士) 能甘心一起渡起難關,加上企業發展(思考)比較全面,而且其企業臨界點是最低的。 (你的收入只要給予她們兩餐溫飽,她們都願意跟你捱。)

上海股高風險高回報,外在條件極為吸引,適合老練投資者。上海股可怕之處是首先賺取微利,再引導投資者加碼,當將大部分資產投放時,這樣才使投資者血本無歸,建議短抄,賺取微利和經驗就立刻止賺。

上海股好比末日輪,除非正股暴漲 (你識到個有錢上海妹又睇得上你),否則只宜短炒,萬萬不能上身,而且適宜買期權作對沖(做足安全措施)。

由於種種因素,導致近年國企股成交量激增,港股如再不重整結構,市場只會慢慢被國企所侵奪。

================================

My boyfriend posted this article on his blog one week ago. He now fully understands the Hang Send Index has recently been rising up to 157xx points and its significance.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

離開

各位弟兄姐妹:

大家好。

經過一段時間的考慮,我決定辭去ICCF Core的職位。

這 段時間我有很多不同的新的體驗,這些 體驗觸發我去重新思考宗敎,思考自己一貫的價值觀和自己將來的路向。在思想轉變、價值重塑的當兒,我沒法繼續宣揚過往既有的價值觀;這樣下去只是欺騙自 己,把事奉淪為交差。離開後,我會繼續思考宗教、自己的價值觀和將來的路向,亦會爭取機會認識這個世界更多。

在工作安排方面,我清楚自己不負責任地離開,為各位(尤其是IC Core)帶來了諸多不便;尤其是社關組,我很感謝Issac和啊朱願意繼續負責小組的工作,也感謝大家一直以來的參與。希望各位能繼續在社關方面努力,榮耀神的名。

很抱歉,我不能與各位同走事奉的路程,希望各位加油!

小文

===========================================================

離開,只是開場白。未來的路怎麼走,才是好戲所在。首次粉墨登場的戲子,未習慣舞台上的環境,卻也竟笑著自己,就像是一場戲。

Thursday, January 12, 2006

桌面貓貓~

桌面貓貓~
很可愛的,免安裝,看著它們在桌面跑來跑去,會從心笑出來的哦~
謝謝男朋友~

http://giogio.myweb.hinet.net/01.exe
http://giogio.myweb.hinet.net/02.exe
http://giogio.myweb.hinet.net/skyline3.exe

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

考試前一樂也~~

http://www.6park.com/enter1/messages/73556.html
笑到肚痛~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Heyson for sharing~~

Thursday, January 05, 2006

回顧

發現大家都在回顧過去。回顧2005年。
我從來都沒有這個習慣。

或許過去不是如此可回望。
或許過去不是如此重要。
也或許,過去早在現在的生活之中。

沒有過去,是不會有現在的。
就如沒有麪粉何來麪包一樣。
一個人如果接受現在,那他早就承認自己的過去。

二零零六年一月四日。
迷惘。我住足十字街頭。
不想走回頭路。

這就是我的回顧。

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Dressing

A dressing. That's what I need now.