上課第四周有感

橡皮筋快要被拉斷了。
病房裏充滿著緊張的氣氛。

同學之間最大的介蒂，莫過於　入他人的地盤之後，還要留下一點破壞，使隨後的人不得其門而入，變廂把病人獨佔。
另一種是有強烈的佔有慾，把只有四五人的小班課堂變成一對一私人補習課。
還有的是在不合自己心意時，神經反射式的發扭功，要所有人遷就自己，不達目標誓不罷休。
當然，詐傻扮o蒙混水摸魚以蟹行步橫行無忌的，大有人在。

找病人，頓變無聲的時間競賽。

不分地盤，不分長幼，過份自我……著著都是糾紛的源頭。
包容度在如此壓力下迅速消耗胎盡。大家都只在啞忍，變廂為偏見和距離製造土壤。
早就裂痕處處，我們還有多少啞忍的空間可以消耗？
每天見面微笑稱呼，不能遮掩問題。
我不想看見所謂「包容」以沉默和距離告終。

有些難聽的說話，是要說的。我只是在想，有沒有比較溫柔的方法。
血濃積聚了，是需要切開濃泡，忍痛徹底清除濃水才能真正康復的。更重要的，是找出濃水積聚的原因，勤於留意，防止積聚。
我抓破頭也想不到較溫柔的方法。你想到的話，記得告訴我。

Dachau

Two absolutely brain-washing week has passed since my return to Hong Kong. I still remember everything I saw in Dachau. Can any genuinely humane person forget what they saw? I don't think so.

The voice of my guide still rings in my ears: "Think of it as a conveyer belt. They enter into this door walking, they exit through that chimney. Custom made, specifically built, a death factory."

This is how he describes a gas chamber, where sick and old victims enter walking, instructed to take off their clothes for a shower, and entered a shower room which is air tight and releases cyanide gas. Dead bodies were then brought to the next room where the bodies are burnt, 2-3 at a time. They listened to the shower instructions in room 1, took off their clothes in room 2, died in room 3, bodies are laid at room 4, and room 5 is the crematorium with the chimney. All under one roof.

Perhaps this is the most fortunate way of dying in a concentration camp. At least you go unconscious before you cannot breath anymore. Most importantly, it's quick, and painless.

I cannot help but to find certain similarities between the Nazi's antisemitic regime and the current Bush administration in the US. At least their "War on Terror", which grants them supreme power to declare war against anyone/anything they label as "terror". Try to extrapolate this "war on terror" concept. Value-laiden non-objective labels are some of the most powerful means to get strong public support and at the same time do whatever you want. The label provides the reason, not the more objective situation; and people support what is called for because they believe in the value behind this label, which may or may not have anything to do with the more objective situation.

I may be oversensitive after my stay in Germany. However I must say I start to appreciate the democratic system and the rule of law.

Weight

多謝大家的「生日快樂」~!!

====================================

Yet another day filled with pressure. Or rather, the word should be responsibility. The responsibility of becoming a doctor in the near future that is hanging in the air.

Well anyway it's just a job, but somehow it bears some weight.

I am not that "academic", and I am hoping for a pass only. However, it is the weight of all those daily decision that brings in the weight.

I am allowing myself fewer mistakes and demanding clearer concepts then I use to be in the last 2 years.

The pressure to be responsible. The pressure to be safe. The pressure of not to admit a 40-year-old with vertigo whose BP is 200/100 and concentrated on the vertigo alone forgetting everything about hypertension; a terrible mistake that I have made 2 days ago.

I must improve. I hope I will. 9 months to go.

Thank you!!

多謝陳婷，Helen同埋淑媛既surprise!!
當然仲有多謝我既好同房!!
好開心呀!!

ai..

It's emptiness over both sides of the continent.

Lone and alienation. The adverse effects of territorism.

Where is my home?

I hate single rooms.

Hangover effect of being in Germany alone? Don't think so.

Missing something good that I have once experienced and that I deliberately abondoned? Maybe.

Confused? Definitely.

Loads of work to do, though. My medicine is at med 2 level.
Time to repay the long-avoided debt.

Current study topics:
1. What is the liver function test, what tests does it contain, and what do the results mean.
2. Ditto for renal function test.
3. Ditto for thyroid function test.
4. Heparin, warfarin and aspirin - which is which, most common indications, and how to read the clotting profile and platelet counts.
5. What parts does the basal ganglia contain?
6. How to recognise an ischaemic stroke lesion on a plain CT
7. What is the difference between antiplatelet and anticoagulation?
8. ECG diagnosis: atrial fibrillation, left ventricular hypertrophy, axis deviation, heart block, myocardial ischemia and infarction.
The list goes on......
These are all things that are taught in med 2 and med 3. Anyways....


P.S. I can't believe it... Germany lost!!!